Another Open Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,

I appreciate your quick response to my letter. I'd love to answer your follow up questions, but first I need a little more information.

Could you please define what you mean by "good"?

Thanks again!
Emily

An Open Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

Here’s the deal. I’m looking for 2008’s must-have, hard to find item: The Good Single Man. Tall. Handsome. Funny. I’d really prefer the Premium Model (you know…the one that comes with at least $150K annual income), but I’d be more than happy with the Standard Model too. I thought I was going to be able to find one, but some lady actually pushed me out of the way last week to grab the last one for her daughter!

I know, you tend to focus most of your energy on the <10 age group and I applaud that. They are definitely deserving. But you should know that I have been watching a LOT of Hallmark Christmas Movies this year. I have seen that you have a place in your heart for the single women (must remind you of the first time you met Mrs. Claus. How sweet!) and admit it…you really like showing up that snotty little midget Cupid who prances around in February like he’s king of the world. I heard he actually used to work for you til he decided he was "too cool for the Claus!" What an attitude!

I know you’ve got the ability to give me what I want for Christmas this year, so I’d really appreciate it if you’d stop by and help me out. I'm sure you’re a little overbooked on Christmas Eve, so I’ll even take my present late…just as long as its here by Midnight on New Years. :)

Thanks again Santa,
Emily

An Open Letter to the Apple Store

Dear Apple Store,

When I battle traffic for almost an hour on my day off to give you a chance to show me why I should become a "Mac" instead of a "PC", it would be nice if one of your "geniuses" could at least acknowledge my existence in the 45 minutes I spent wandering around your small store looking lost. Not a great first impression of your "outstanding customer service."

I'm just saying...

Best Regards,
Emily

An Open Letter to Grocery Stores

Dear Grocery Stores,

Starting in January, it begins. The red and green of Christmas goes away, the silver of New Years fades, and the red, pink, and white takes over your aisles.

You force me to remember that THE holiday is coming up - the one where if you're single you're supposed to either be 1) really bitter about it, 2) overly dramatic about how great it is to be single or 3) like me, are considered weird if you're neither - Valentine's Day (or as the second breed calls it, "Single Awareness Day." Gag me.)

I have always taken this in stride because I've had faith in the unspoken agreement that we made many years ago: I'll put up with your ridiculous giant mylar balloons and overabundance of wilting roses without complaining as long as you provide me with an endless supply of the highlight of my culinary year: Chocolate Covered Cherries. I've been looking for weeks at several different stores and not one delicious juicy, fruity chocolate ball can be found!

Don't try to pretend that you've fulfilled your end of the bargain by just throwing around some "samplers" and calling it Valentine's Day candy. Nobody is fooled. Just because the crappy filling in the center is pink doesn't make it equal to the ultimate Holiday candy - the Chocolate Covered Cherry. You have clearly fallen down on your job, and I am NOT a happy camper!

You've been put on notice, grocery stores. We've got a little more than one week left before February 14th. I'll keep on being content with this season as long as you hold up your end of the bargain. Don't let me down this year!

Best regards,
Emily

A Letter to My Love

My Dearest McDonalds,

It is with great regret and deepest sorrow that I write you this letter. I feel the time has come for us to go our separate ways. We’ve had some great times over the past few years, but this is just something that I have to do.

I know what you’re thinking – there’s another restaurant. And I promise you, I am not just running into the booths of another burger provider. I know we had the whole Whataburger incident last year, but I told you then, and I’ll tell you again, it meant nothing. It was just lunchtime and you were too busy for me. I had to get food somewhere! But it is your chicken nuggets that I crave; no one else’s can come close!

You say you can change, and I know that you’re not lying. But its not you, it’s me. You have tried your best to offer me grilled chicken sandwiches, asian salads, and other healthy options, but as long as you have those delicious fries on your menu, I will always just fall back into my old habits and we both know its not good for either one of us. I can’t live in this kind of codependent relationship anymore. The best thing for me right now is to make a clean break. Pretend we never met. Believe me, this is harder on me than it is on you. You will find other college girls to share your golden arches with, but me; this is then end of my fast food excursions. I’ll always look back on our times together with fondness, and I hope you’ll think of me in the same way. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

With love,
Emily

Race for the Cure!!

To my dear blog readers:

On April 15th, I am going to be participating in the Race for the Cure sponsored by the Susan G. Komen Foundation. The goal of the run is to raise money for breast cancer research. I hate to use this forum for shameless self promotion, but after much consideration, I have decided that this is less self promotion and more "great cause" promotion. Now I don't know who reads this everyday, so if you can't or don't want to donate, I'll never know and you don't have to feel bad. But if you are feeling particularly generous today, click here! This will take you to my race page where you can make your TAX DEDUCTIBLE donation online to help me reach my fundraising goal. Any little bit helps and I, along with the Komen Foundation, with thank you greatly!

With much love,
Emily