Monday, February 05, 2007

An Open Letter to Grocery Stores

Dear Grocery Stores,

Starting in January, it begins. The red and green of Christmas goes away, the silver of New Years fades, and the red, pink, and white takes over your aisles.

You force me to remember that THE holiday is coming up - the one where if you're single you're supposed to either be 1) really bitter about it, 2) overly dramatic about how great it is to be single or 3) like me, are considered weird if you're neither - Valentine's Day (or as the second breed calls it, "Single Awareness Day." Gag me.)

I have always taken this in stride because I've had faith in the unspoken agreement that we made many years ago: I'll put up with your ridiculous giant mylar balloons and overabundance of wilting roses without complaining as long as you provide me with an endless supply of the highlight of my culinary year: Chocolate Covered Cherries. I've been looking for weeks at several different stores and not one delicious juicy, fruity chocolate ball can be found!

Don't try to pretend that you've fulfilled your end of the bargain by just throwing around some "samplers" and calling it Valentine's Day candy. Nobody is fooled. Just because the crappy filling in the center is pink doesn't make it equal to the ultimate Holiday candy - the Chocolate Covered Cherry. You have clearly fallen down on your job, and I am NOT a happy camper!

You've been put on notice, grocery stores. We've got a little more than one week left before February 14th. I'll keep on being content with this season as long as you hold up your end of the bargain. Don't let me down this year!

Best regards,
Emily

13 comments:

Ashley said...

You are too funny. Another possibility of Valentine's Day is that you DO have a husband, but you have one like mine that plays the LAME "Valentine's-Day-is-a-stupid-waste-of-money!-I-show-my-love-year-round" card. :( I'm trying to get him to come around with this holiday.

Guess what? We too will be in your hood this weekend! :) We're finally doing Christmas with Amanda and Brett. I'm hoping that what I remember about you (I think it was you) saying something about going to RH C of C now is still true. I miss you bunches! :)

Joanie said...

I thought you got engaged in Italy? Surely your fiance is getting you something!

Emily said...

Haha - no engagement/boyfriend/anything there! Just a fun New Years in Italy story. :)

Emily said...

Also, I'm not upset about the holiday or not getting anything...I couldn't care less about that. I just want my Chocolate Covered Cherries!!!

Ashley N said...

My mom and I always love chocolate covered cherries at Christmas time...funny how we associate them with Christmas but you do with Valentine's Day.

Daniel & Zoe's Mommy said...

Check Garden Ridge, Michaels, and Hobby Lobby...they always have that stuff


So does Walgreens, usually.

Trey Laminack said...

penultimate mean next to last or next to greatest. (pen-ultimate) so your saying choco-cherries are either your second favorite or there is only one candy you hate worse. Neither seem true according to the rest of your text.

Emily said...

Ooooh, good call on my improper use of a fun-sounding word! I really thought it meant best!

cynthiaa said...

haha adorable letter

over from SITS.

happy friday.

litanyofbritt said...

stephen colbert lover?
i don't do V-day eitherth

Vickie said...

HHhMmmmm...chocolate cover cheeries. Good post and letter. My husband and I really do not celebrate V-Day, as well. We may say happy V-Day and he may throw some candy my way, but that is about it.

Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Amanda K said...

mmmmm... I love chocolate covered cherries! I girl after my own heart!!

Veggie Mom said...

I detect a theme going on here, 'cause I'm collecting recipes this week! Hey there, SITSta! Gotta Super-Duper Giveaway that's Goin' On over at my place...please stop by when you have the chance!